


to stand where i'm afraid

by hollyhobbit101



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Battle of Hogwarts, Canon Compliant, Conquering Fear, Fear, Gen, can be read as parvati/lavender, fear of thunder, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 11:37:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyhobbit101/pseuds/hollyhobbit101
Summary: Lavander helps Parvati learn what it means to be brave.





	to stand where i'm afraid

Parvati has always been afraid of thunder. It is loud, and as a child she had thought that it sounded like someone shouting, as though she had done something wrong and they were angry at her for it. She knows now, of course, that none of that was ever real. But still, she hates the booming noises and the things that come with it.

She hates the shrieking winds that threaten to knock the whole house down; the harsh rain that stings like a slap round the face when it hits her skin; the lightning, like knives that cut through the sky as though it were butter. She hears tales of the destruction that comes with thunder, because not even wizards are immune to nature. Most of all, she is terrified of how easy it would be for the thunder and the storm to destroy her, and everything she loves with it.

* * *

When she was younger, she would cling to one of her parents at the first rumble of a storm. They indulged her for the first few years, as parents do. They would stroke her hair and whisper that there was no need to be afraid; _it's all going to be okay_. As she got older, though, they started to sigh when she would coming running to them in fear. They'd tell her that she was old enough now to be dealing with such things herself; they didn't have the time anyway.

Parvati tried, after that, to stop being so afraid, but it was harder than she thought it would be. At night, Padma would sometimes allow her to crawl into her bed, and she would hold Parvati tight until the thunder had passed, or until she fell asleep. During the days, when Padma wasn't around to comfort her, Parvati would shut herself in their room and clutch the blankets tight around her, covering her ears until the thunder passed. On especially bad days, she would pull out her old stuffed pygmy puff and hold it to her nose. It smelt of dust and warmth, and being able to feel something solid and familiar grounded her and helped her through the worst of her fears. It wasn't a perfect system, but it worked.

It _works_ , right up until the moment they're sent to Hogwarts, and suddenly Padma isn't around any longer to help her. Parvati tells herself that she'll be fine; she is eleven now, after all, and that's far too old to be getting scared by a silly little bit of thunder. She even almost believes it, and she forgets all about her worries within a week. She's become good friends with one of her roommates, Lavender Brown, and it's kind of like having Padma around, only Lavender is much louder and livelier than Padma. Parvati instantly likes her.

* * *

Two weeks into the school year, and thunder rolls around the castle. It comes just as the Gryffindor girls are getting ready for bed, and everyone looks at her strangely when she squeaks and hurtles into bed.

"I- I thought I saw a mouse," she stammers, blushing horribly.

Hermione Granger huffs and rolls her eyes, muttering something about Ron Weasley. Lavender just keeps frowning at her, but she quickly goes back to what she was doing when Parvati meets her eyes. For her part, Parvati just draws the curtains around her bed and curls up into a tight ball under the covers, flinching as the thunders comes again, louder and more aggressive than before.

Parvati isn't sure how long it's been, but eventually Lavender's voice comes floating over from the next bed.

"Parvati?" she whispers. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Parvati whispers back, trying to keep her voice even.

There's a silence, broken only by the thunder and the pit-pat of rain on the cobblestones. Parvati thinks that Lavender must have gone to sleep, but then there's a quiet shuffling, and suddenly the curtains are being drawn back.

"Move over," Lavender orders, and Parvati's so shocked that she mutely complies, moving to make room for Lavender. She clambers into the bed and tentatively wraps her arms around Parvati, pulling the covers over them. Parvati stiffens, but Lavender just holds on tighter, and eventually she melts into the embrace, forgetting to conceal her quivers of terror.

"It's okay," Lavender mutters into Parvati's hair. "I used to get scared too."

Parvati looks at her in disbelief; she's sure that nothing can scare brave, energetic Lavender.

Lavender laughs quietly. "Go to sleep, Parvati," she says. "I'll keep you safe."

* * *

It becomes something that they just _do_.

Thunder will begin to echo around the castle, and minutes later there will be a hand in Parvati's, or a warm body next to her in bed. Parvati doesn't think anyone else would be willing to do this, not when they're fourteen, fifteen, sixteen; not even Padma.

She couldn't be more grateful for Lavender's soft words of comfort and courage, and she thinks she is learning what it truly means to be brave. Being brave isn't conquering fear, but it is being able to walk out the other side.

* * *

Battles sound like thunder, Parvati finds. The castle rumbles and groans as spells fly, destroying stone and lives. Lavender had held her hand when it all started, and told her everything would be alright, but then she disappeared, and now Parvati is alone and more scared than she's ever been.

There are tears in her eyes, but she cannot let them spill, cannot let _them_ see how weak she is. Her vision is clouded for a moment, and she falls, scraping her knees on broken glass and rubble. Her wand goes flying, and before she can rescue it, there's a Death Eater standing over her. Parvati just stares, unable to move as she realises that this is it. She's going to die. There's a flash of light, as bright as lightning, and Parvati flinches away, shocked when she's still breathing at the end of it. Lavender stands over her, grinning, with the prone body of the Death Eater at her feet.

"Told you it would be okay," she says, and hands Parvati back her wand. She goes to help Parvati up, but more thunderous bangs come ever closer, and suddenly they're both engaged with other enemies. By the time Parvati stuns her opponent, Lavender is gone again.

* * *

Lavender dies in the storm.

* * *

It thunders the day after the battle.

Parvati stands outside and lets the sounds wash over her, lets the rain plaster her hair to her forehead and fill up her shoes. There's a part of her that is screaming for her to _go back inside you idiot, hide, go find Lavender-_

But. Lavender is dead. She'll never find her again.

The only thing she can do is to honour her memory by being brave. So Parvati remains. She closes her eyes, turns her head up to the coal black sky, breathes out once, twice. The thunder rages somewhere, but she barely hears it. Lavender taught her how to be brave, and so that is what she will be.


End file.
